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Food Corner: The Ultimate Burger

There are a number of things besides music we're passionate about and good food ranks pretty high on that list. We've done our fair share of experimental cooking over the years, including but not limited to beaver kebab. Next time I'm going to try making kebab out of ostrich or perhaps a kangaroo.

However, this blog entry is not a kebab recipe. Today at the ACDN kitchen special we're going to make burgers. Creating this recipe has actually taken quite a bit of thinking to maximize the culinary pleasure. I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling how many grams of ingredients you need or how long you need to cook them. I trust you people have mastered such rudimentary cooking skills that you're able to use your own judgement. Just in case, it might be a good idea to first read through the recipe once before attempting to recreate it.

Here's the list of ingredients. Poppamies is a good place to acquire the cayenne ketchup, BBQ-sauce and salsa.

- Ground beef (aka minced meat)
- Red onions
- Chicken egg
- Strips of bacon
- Hamburger buns (preferably large ones)
- Cayenne ketchup (Pepper King's mild)
- BBQ-sauce (Bull's-Eye Original)
- Cheddar cheese (pre-wrapped sheets)
- Goat cheese
- Pineapple rings
- Salsa (Daniel's Fire Roast)
- Beefsteak tomatoes
- Slices of pickle
- Hamburger dressing

Start by heating the oven to around 100° C, fire up the stove and pour some oil on the pan. Chop the red unions into tiny bits and fry them on a hot pan. Mix the ground beef, onion and the egg and pat the paste into hamburger paddies. Put the buns to the oven and fry the paddies and the bacon strips from both sides on a pan. When you have fried the paddies on one side, turn them over, pour a generous splash of BBQ-sauce over the paddy and cover it with a sheet of cheddar cheese. The cheddar will melt over the paddy and contain the BBQ-sauce under it.

Slice up some tomatoes and the goat cheese. Take the buns out from the oven and cut them in half. Smear some cayenne ketchup all over the lower half of the bun. Then place the cheddar-covered paddy over the bun. Place a strip or two of bacon on top of the paddy, place the goat cheese slice on top of the bacon, then place a pineapple ring on top of the goat cheese. Fill the hole in the pineapple ring with a generous spoonful of salsa. Cover the salsa with tomato and pickle slices and smear some hamburger dressing on the bottom surface of the top half of the hamburger bun. Close the lid and gently press down the towering burger to make it a bit more compact. You're done, now let's eat the damn thing!

I personally recommend Coca-Cola to wash down the burger, but not just any Coke - go with the canned stuff. I'm a passionate advocate of canned Coke due to the superior thermal conductivity and carbonic acid preserving properties of the container. Feel free to have a brewskie instead, but I'm not much of a beer drinker so I can't really recommend a suitable brand.

Remember, eating good food should be a social event. As delicious this burger is, it reaches it full potential only in good company. Invite some friends over, fire up the stereo and put ACDN on, feast on some burgers and fall asleep on the couch next to your belly. Have fun, let us know how it went.